Pencils and Cowardice
I was in middle school, and I had a girlfriend. I heard through the grapevine that she was putting pencils in her vagina. Based on that unconfirmed rumor, I had a friend tell her that I was dumping her. She let me have it in person, saying that the real thing that made her angry was that I didn’t have the balls to dump her in person.
Foot in my mouth
There was this really hot girl in my high school that sat in front of me in Government Class. She was always getting in yelled at by the teacher because I was frequently falling asleep at my desk behind her, so she was already irritated with me. The thing is, she was my daily fantasy. She had a healthy athletic body and wore tight clothes with her thong straps clearly visible above her jeans. To my teenage mind, she was basically Nikki Minaj twerking at me hard, right in my face. At the same time, I kept hearing stories about her personality and I started questioning her morals and integrity. So, in a conflicted mindset, and finally building enough confidence to speak to her, I blurted out the worst thing ever:
“My body wants you, but my mind says you’re a bitch!”
Don’t worry, I finally apologized at our 10 year High School Reunion at a bar in Worcester, MA!
Cheese Peelers and Emo Brats
I had another middle school romance, but I was also filled with an antisocial habit of feeling like I wanted to be alone all the time and I wasn’t worthy for the gift of being around others in a social setting. So, there was a school dance, and I stood up my girlfriend for that reason, but the excuse I gave was that I could not go because my mom was punishing me for losing the Cheese Peeler.
At the next dance, she was with another boy, dancing, and looked at me over his shoulder. The resulting feeling instilled in me at that moment was enough to make me start walking home. That was punishment enough.