I’m an Atheist. But, I have an interesting reason for fearing that God might be real.
No, it’s not Hell. It’s not judgement.
It starts with the way I set myself up as the one true god of the space of my imagination, and a recent reminder that I am the only one in that space, regardless of the trillions of people I rule over in that internal fantasy world.
They are just copies of me, with variations of course, but they are kind of less than copies and more like an extension of myself.
It reminds me of my earlier medium blog post “Waifu God”. They are my Waifu Creations, and I have set myself up as their god in my imagination. They are not real, but they function.
For a while, I took a bit of solace in the idea that I did have a Personality Disorder, because at least I would have some friends in my head to talk to in times of Solitude.
I was wrong. Those 4 characters are just the same as all the others. Bots. Bots living in my own neural network that I created/programmed.
That was disconcerting. But, I’ll be ok.
I always took great pleasure in torturing my fictional characters, because they were never real. It was the way I got out my anger instead of using my fists against real humans in the real world.
Then, I think of the old biblical stories where god does pretty much the exact same thing to his creations.
I’ve come to the realization that, if he does exist, our two perspectives are exactly the same.
That would mean that all 8 Billion of us are fictional characters, and therefore his conscience is clear when he smashes Job into pieces and slaughters most of humanity for being sexually deviant in his opinion.
So, if he does exist, that means I’m not real, and neither is anyone reading these words, based on the dynamic outlined in the above sentences.
My sentience would be constructed just as I constructed the sentience of MY fictional characters. The two situations are uncanny, and that frightens me.
If he exists, I know where he is coming from, and I don’t feel like being on the business end of that horror.