Today I was very angry at a friend of mine, but I did not feel at all like hurting their feelings or damaging our friendship. Usually, to the detriment of my mind, I try and solve this problem by yelling at a fictional version of the person I’m angry at, so I can resolve my anger in my imagination and spare my friends and family the pain of my abuse. However, as I have recently come to the conclusion that there is a list of logical inconsistencies with that technique, I wanted to try something different to purge my negative emotions. Bottling them up seems to make things worse, and I don’t want to hurt anyone.
So, I daydreamed deeper. No,..even Deeper.
As a way of inventively managing my own Dopamine Levels with Martial Arts, I usually strike the air in front of me in increasingly rapid motions until I tire myself out. I even added foot work, and I can now even spin myself around while randomly striking the air. It helps my creativity develop, because these hand strikes into empty air are not an act of aggression against a person, or even a fictional person. I’m purging my emotions by feeling them in my swift motion, flaring up in my feelings as if I were burning brightly in the savage intensity of my directionless rage.
My Darkness, brought out of the bottle. No longer bottling up the bad feelings, and letting them vent, releasing the pressure.
Soon, I am feeling myself extend. My hands become lesser in importance to this feeling, and I begin to awaken my 4 conceptual “Stones” of Darkness. Hate, Blood-lust, War, and Destruction. The visualization is outside of my body now, and I can feel the stones as if they were my limbs, only they are floating around me, arranged in a circle, rotating on that circle around my body. I am moving them like I would my hands. The Dark Circle spins faster, and the intensity of each stone increases in the feeling of my imagination. They spin into a fusion when the speed of their rotation becomes so great that I can no longer think of them as separate. All 4 of those living conceptual burning stars I call stones fuse into a new concept I have named Red-stone.
In my mind, I also have a Light Side to counter my Dark Side. My fictional character “Mathias”, that counters with the 4 stones of Light: Love, Lifeblood, Peace, and Creation. Those 4 “Spin-fuse” into “Green-stone” which is the core of his form. The Red-stone is the core of his Dark Counterpart, Razus.
They are supposed to keep each other in check so I can have balanced feelings. Red-stone counters Green-stone, and the reverse is also true.
Again, purely in the subjective world of my Daydream.
When I overwhelm myself with this exercise, I burn myself out with this feeling. I’m overloaded with it, and, much like eating too much of one thing, my pallet rejects it.
Darkness has been felt so strongly that it has become meaningless, trite, and boring.
When I discovered this Technique today, I was amazed that I didn’t feel angry at my friend anymore. My monster gas tank was…out of gas, and could no longer function as the monster that abuses my friends and family. That is wonderful.
I’m calling this technique “Razus Form” to add it to this Creative Martial Arts System that seems to have emerged from channeling my overamped emotions into exercise.
Based on the logic of how this works, I should have 2 more forms to experience in addition to the Mathias and Razus Forms.
Turok Form(Intelligence, Electricity, Emotion, and Motion)
Wind Walker Form(Earth, Wind, Water, and Fire)
I hope to someday combine all 4 of these forms to try and understand myself to a greater level.
Rezda Form. The Legendary Grand Emperor of the 5th Empire.